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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450853">it's the way I'm feeling (I just can't deny)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta'>Bara_no_Uta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NieR: Automata (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Love Confessions, Post-Ending E (NieR: Automata), Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:15:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A2 shifted, eager for a change of subject. “Maybe we can plan to visit the garden tomorrow? It’s probably about time to show 6O how to weed it.”<br/>	“I like that idea.” 2B bit her lip, feeling nervous as she prepared herself for what she wanted to say next. “So, actually—there’s something I actually wanted to talk to you about.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>2B/A2 (NieR: Automata)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it's the way I'm feeling (I just can't deny)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've spent a lot of time trying to puzzle out what in relationships is instinctive and what's social convention. Or more specifically in this case, how a relationship might look between two androids who have never been exposed to many of those conventions.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>               “The garden is fascinating. I saw some sprouts beginning to appear recently,” 2B commented, her voice carrying a hint of wonder as she and A2 chatted in the grass. She hadn’t expected it to be so fascinating, but there was something almost magical about watching a new life grow. “Thank you for helping her with that. I can tell that it’s made her happy.”</p><p>               A2 smiled at the praise. “I’m glad that the sprouts actually grew. I wasn’t sure if that would work or not. …I’m glad that she’s been able to find new meaning so quickly.”</p><p>               “Me too.” 2B still sometimes felt that what she was doing wasn’t ‘enough.’ That perhaps she should be doing something more productive with her time. She’d started helping out fetching supplies for the Resistance camp more often, but without any conflict going on, it wasn’t common for them to need new supplies anyway.</p><p>               “How are you doing?” A2 still hadn’t forgotten that there was something on 2B’s mind that she didn’t know about, and while she wouldn’t push, that didn’t stop her from wanting to see if there were any ways she could support her in the meantime.</p><p>               2B managed a small smile, but she looked a bit uneasy. “I think I’ve been doing better,” she said truthfully. “I’m able to enjoy spending time with 9S, instead of feeling guilty the whole time.”</p><p>               “Good. You deserve to be happy.”</p><p>               The simple comment, spoken with such certainty, surprised her. “Thank you. What about you, how are you doing?” She changed the subject in part because she wasn’t sure she could otherwise avoid debating the subject. She fully believed that A2 thought her words to be true, but that didn’t mean she agreed with them… even if that was ironic when she had reassured A2 that she shouldn’t be blamed for the loss of her squadron and deserved to live on and be happy.</p><p>               “I’m doing better too,” she said after thinking it over. “I’ve been enjoying getting to know 6O, and it’s gotten… easier to see her as her own person as I’ve gotten to know her better, instead of seeing Number 4 in her so much.”</p><p>               “That makes sense. And I know she’s been happy, getting to know you too.”</p><p>               A2 smiled at that. “You should join us next time in the garden. It’d be fun to be together again.”</p><p>               “That’s a good idea. …Would it be okay if I invite 9S and 21O? I know they would love to see the different species of plant.” She also hoped to help 9S and A2 become more comfortable with each other. She knew that both of them were good people, and had every faith that the two could get along once they got past the initial awkwardness that they still seemed to feel.</p><p>               “I think that would be nice… if you think 9S wouldn’t mind spending time around me.” She wanted to get along with him, but she worried about whether he had really forgiven her. Even if they had more or less smoothed things over on the surface, it was hard to believe that after having hated her so intensely he wanted to kill her for sheer vengeance, he would feel comfortable hanging out together in the garden. It seemed more polite to just keep to herself and spend time with 2B separately.</p><p>               She wondered how he would feel about it. He seemed fine to her on the rare occasion that he and A2 were in the same place, like when they had all worked together to bring back Devola and Popola, but it was true that working together toward a common goal was different from hanging out. “If he’s not ready for that, I’m sure he’ll tell me. I’m just sorry that the timing caused things between you to become what they did.”</p><p>               “You were dying. It’s not like you could help that.” The memory pained her, and she wanted to move on from it as quickly as possible. Perhaps that was another reason why she tended to avoid 9S. It was hard not to think of the conflict they had experienced, the way that killing 2B had reminded her of when the virus had possessed her allies, and the way she had felt she was letting 2B down when he had hated her so much after 2B had asked her to look after him.</p><p>               That statement got a small, rueful smile from 2B. It was true; if she had had a say in the matter, she would have chosen not to die in the first place. “I suppose you are right about that.”</p><p>               A2 shifted, eager for a change of subject. “Maybe we can plan to visit the garden tomorrow? It’s probably about time to show 6O how to weed it.”</p><p>               “I like that idea.” She bit her lip, feeling nervous as she prepared herself for what she wanted to say next. “So, actually—there’s something I actually wanted to talk to you about.”</p><p>               That immediately got her attention. “What is it?”</p><p>               She still wondered if she should place this on A2’s shoulders, but the eager response encouraged her. She still felt worried, too, about what this would mean for their friendship if A2 didn’t reciprocate her feelings. But after giving it a lot of thought since having accidentally made A2 feel pushed away, she decided that it was a risk she needed to take. “I don’t… really know how to say this.”</p><p>               The tentative phrasing and 2B’s obvious nerves made her start to worry, wondering if it was going to be bad news of some sort. Despite the flutter of nerves building in her abdomen, she tried her best to appear calm, wanting to be strong for 2B. She offered 2B her hand to hold, wanting to give her time to choose her words.</p><p>               2B hesitated, then accepted, her shoulders relaxing ever so slightly as she did. “A2, I… really enjoy spending time with you. Of course, you’re my friend, but I want… the way to be close to you is different from a friend.” When she looked at A2’s surprised expression, she hoped it wasn’t just wishful thinking that she saw glimmers of hope. “I don’t have a lot of experience with these types of feelings, but I believe that what I’m feeling is… love. That is, I… believe I’m in love with you.”</p><p>               A mixture of joy and disbelief swirled in her chest, and for a few seconds she found herself speechless. She wanted to ask if 2B was sure, but could tell from how serious 2B was that she was as sure as she could be. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”</p><p>               She was almost afraid to believe her. Romantic love among androids… She knew it happened, but for those whose entire existences revolved around doing their part in the war, it was rare.</p><p>               “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>               Hearing A2 ask that in such a hopeful tone made her chest feel light and fluttery in a way she had never experienced before. “Please do.”</p><p>               She leaned in, and when 2B closed the distance between them, she closed her eyes, both of them acting on instinct alone. The kiss was brief, but left her feeling almost lightheaded. <em>Her lips are soft</em>. She was surprised just how nice 2B’s lips would feel against her own. “I liked that.”</p><p>               2B couldn’t help but to chuckle. “We could do it again.”</p><p>               “We should.” This time, she smiled into the kiss. It felt a little strange to kiss with both of them smiling, she thought, but it was nice to feel 2B’s happiness in that way. When she pulled away, she asked, “So… what does this mean for us?”</p><p>               “I think it makes us each other’s girlfriends?” Honestly, she didn’t know very much about how relationships worked. Maybe that was something she should ask 6O about. It seemed she was more knowledgeable about this.</p><p>               “Girlfriends…” She repeated the word, seeming unfamiliar with it.</p><p>               Noting that A2 seemed even more unfamiliar with romantic relationships than herself, 2B knew it would be important to make sure she communicated enough to be sure they were on the same page and that A2 felt comfortable with what was happening between the two of them. “I think that’s what it’s called, when two people are in love with each other.”</p><p>               “So… other than being able to kiss, what changes now?”</p><p>               2B thought that question over before finally admitting, “I don’t completely know. I think now when we spend time alone together it’s called a date…?” She knew that there were other physical things too, but that instinctively felt like something that she needed more time together to feel comfortable with, so she decided not to mention it right now so she didn’t inadvertently lead A2 to believe she wanted that <em>now</em>.</p><p>               “Hm. Maybe I’ll ask Devola and Popola.” She was sure that Devola would tease her, but it was good-natured, so she didn’t actually mind. “But we don’t have to do things the way humans did, either, if we don’t want to. Maybe it just means… we keep being close in a different way from how we are with our… not-girlfriend friends.”</p><p>               “I think I like that idea.” She drew A2 into a hug, smiling when A2 reciprocated and relaxed into it. Charting their own path forward seemed like the best way to ensure that they both felt comfortable. Among humans, she knew there were certain things that ‘a relationship’ meant, including stages that culminated in ‘marriage’… but she didn’t know much about them, and decided she would rather just be with A2 on their own terms, rather than trying to copy the old world just for the sake of doing so.</p><p>               Already, things with 2B had felt different. When she hugged Anemone, it never felt quite like this. It was different in a way that she wasn’t sure how to put words to. She found herself drawn to touching 2B, too, in a way that was definitely more frequent than the occasional hand on Anemone’s shoulder or hug goodbye. Maybe after a while she would want to explore what else being ‘girlfriends’ could mean, but for right now, she felt content with where things were.</p><p>               “Do you want to tell the others tomorrow?”</p><p>               Doing it tomorrow would enable them to tell the group together, so she thought it was a really good idea. “That sounds perfect. …Do you think 9S will be okay with it, though?”</p><p>               “I think so. I don’t think he has as much of a grudge against you as you think.”</p><p>               “I hope you’re right,” she said, a wistful smile on her lips. For 2B’s sake, she wanted to be able to get along with him. She never wanted 2B to feel like she couldn’t spend time with both of them or be close to both of them, even if it was in different ways.</p><p>               2B shifted her head so that it was tucked into A2’s shoulder. There was something remarkably comfortable about this, like she could feel A2’s happiness and her own mixing together in a way that words could never have conveyed.</p><p>               After a while of sitting in comfortable silence, A2 murmured, “It’s hard to believe how quickly I’ve gone from being alone to… this.”</p><p>               Her heart ached as she thought about how lonely A2 must have been, and for such a long time. In response to that tug in her chest, her arms held A2 just a little tighter, and she was pleased to learn a little more about how touch could communicate their feelings without words.</p><p>               She blinked away the tears that had suddenly come to her eyes. Until recently, after her allies had died, she’d believed she had nothing to live for except avenging them. Now, sometimes… she found herself glad that she had been given another chance at life. “Thank you. For waking me up. And for not giving up on me.”</p><p>               “I would never give up on you,” she said softly. “And I’m grateful to you, too. I don’t know how I would have made it through losing the Bunker and trying to adjust on Earth without you. …I know I wouldn’t be this happy.”</p><p>               There were many things that she didn’t know about what their relationship would look like as they moved forward together. But one thing she was sure of was that she wanted to keep making 2B happy, as much as she could.</p>
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